Because you’re killing the planet

The latest joy killing decree to be issued from the environmental overlords is that Thanksgiving is canceled because your family meal is killing the planet.

How is it that some sweet potatoes and a pumpkin pie are destroying the Earth? Well, the bastion of all that is pure and good, the aptly named HuffPost has the answer.

“Meat and meat byproducts (cheese, butter and heavy cream, for example) have a larger environmental footprint than plant-based ingredients,” complains Alexandra Emanuelli.

“According to research done by Carnegie Mellon University, the carbon footprint of a 16-pound turkey creates a total of 34.2 pounds of CO2 — the same amount produced by turkey gravy, cranberry sauce, roasted Brussels sprouts, mashed potatoes, rolled biscuits and apple pie combined.” Emanuelli further huffs.

“[P]lant-based foods consistently have been shown to have lower carbon footprints — so those walnuts, chestnuts, mushrooms, etc. are far more efficient to produce in total resources than conventional animal products, especially red meat,” the report continues.

Great… walnut and mushroom soufflé it is then. But no…wait…you can’t actually have a family Thanksgiving at all, unless you all live in a commune and never leave, because traveling is the real evil.

“Researchers at Carnegie Mellon determined that four people flying a 600-mile trip produces 10 times the emissions of the Thanksgiving meal,” the report further whines.

“Driving is less detrimental, but American cars emit close to a pound of CO2 per mile driven. Orchi Banerjee, a recent graduate of the department of Social and Decision Sciences at Carnegie Mellon, said, ‘It may help the environment if [your guests] stayed home and cooked their own meal.’”

So, also canceled are Christmas, Easter, Passover, and 4th of July.

Stay at home alone, in your pod, eating walnuts. Better yet, just eat worms.

Tucker Carlson and his guest Mark Steyn had some choice words for those who want to cancel Thanksgiving:

“‘The Huffington Post’ says you shouldn’t be taking a plane. You shall not be eating a turkey. Eating a Turkey is bad for the planet, even though it is not as bad as one of these flatulent cows that AOC wants to slaughter … instead of having a stuffed turkey, you should have some arugula stuffed with kale or kale stuffed with arugula. Makes no difference, tastes just as lousy either way,” said Steyn.

The pair then pointed out the hypocrisy of liberal jet-setters who preach to everyday Americans about their carbon footprints.